Three years ago I decided to follow that little voice inside me. I call it my spirit. Along the way I've lost a great deal of people that I thought would always be there. When I think about it, that's life for you. It reminds me of a verse from Naz, "Thugs change, love changes, and best friends become strangers." That was real.

  I have also been in some pretty intense relationships that have changed me from the inside. Most men like to think it's cool to have more than one girl, but as for me I don't think like that. Granted I have been a male hoe in my time. It got old fast to me. I started to learn something about myself. I was a really lonely person still with all these girls around me. I looked at my mother and said, "Maybe because we have had bad times between us, it has affected me."

  So I wanted to change that. So I looked at why God gave me my queens to raise. Through them I started to understand that a woman is one like a man is one. And I started to let walls down so I could understand what it is like to be loved and love someone else the same.

  I still have a long way to go. But I have had a taste of love and I must say it was the best thing next to my kids and to the love of music.

  I'm homeless now on my way to where God takes me. So I can fall in place with the plan for me. And even though it gets rough, I know this is the right thing. The people who really love me for me will be there no matter what and I will do the same. Even if the don't.

  I also want to talk about how my stepfather and his brother raped me. At first it was coming to me in dreams, things from when I was a child. And then I remembered everything that happened. Sometimes it really bothers me, but I start to pray and ask God to help me. The point is if you find yourself in a spot where you don't know what to do just ask God and He will show you. And whatever happens it's not your fault, God still loves you.

 

~Knockamechee Pharoh